The End…or is it?

Hey friends! I appreciate you sticking with me throughout this spectacular oral journey. I have only one more story to tell you before I call it a wrap. This person has been the only person I’ve been blowing for the last few months. You could call me a one-penis woman, although I doubt it’ll be lasting for much longer. But at least for now, we’ll call it the end. And if for some reason I need to update this blog again in the future, I’ll make sure to let each of you know individually.

Because this is a current situation, and he knows about this blog- I’ll leave his name out of it. So for reasons completely unrelated, we’ll call him Dr. Seuss. He does not eat green eggs and ham, if you know what I mean.

Anyways, Dr. Seuss and I met last year and I was pretty instantly attracted to him. Sure, he’s goofy- but he’s also very charming. And he makes me laugh. I have a total girl-boner for him.

When we met again this summer, I had pretty much already planned out our wedding and life together. Fate, however, had different plans. And so did my vagina…

We went to the bar together and I had a few too many drinks. We started making out on the dance floor and eventually decided to make our way back to my place. He seemed like a very sweet and innocent individual before our clothes came off. But as soon as we were naked, he was…an animal…for lack of a better term. We had sex probably 3 or 4 times that first night, although we promised each other we wouldn’t let it get that far. And I got so turned on that I did something that probably sealed our future sex-life together forever. But we aren’t here to talk about me ;)

Dr. Seuss and I talked for the rest of the night and woke up and had sex again. I knew as soon as he left that I had ruined any chance I had at dating him, but he seemed like such a nice guy that I thought I would still try. We went on a date (if you can even call it that) but like I said, I knew it wasn’t going to happen. Sometimes I really worry that if I would’ve said no that first night, we might have worked out. But honestly, I don’t wanna be with someone if that’s their only reason for not wanting to date me. It takes two to tango, buddy.

For the next few weeks, we hooked up a few more times. I tricked him into coming over to fix my air conditioner and ambushed him with a blow job. I really enjoy blowing him because he’s super vocal and likes to participate (not in the actual sucking or licking, but involving my boobs, spanking, etc). As the days went on, our sexcapades became more and more outrageous. We talked dirtier and got a little kinkier. I’ve never met a guy who is so good at talking dirty. He’s always respectful and never makes me uncomfortable. I don’t know how, but he walks that line very well. Eventually, my feelings got a little out of hand and he cut things off. 

Honestly, it was a blessing because training started and I had to throw myself into work. But after school started and things started slowing down, my vagina started heating up. I tried my best to resist him, but we started having sex again. Then, my feelings got all messed up again, so I cut it off. I told him I needed a week to clear my head and get over all of it before we could start even hanging out again. He respected my need for space and left me alone. Our friendship went back to just that, and we were good for a little while.

That is, until I got drunk one night and came back to campus. I texted him and told him I was going to come visit and he agreed to let me in as long as I promised to keep my clothes on. BUT AS SOON AS I GOT THERE HE STARTED SAYING NASTY SHIT TO ME. What was a girl to do? We started watching porn and he went down on me right there on his couch in the living room with all my clothes still on. I was still very frustrated with him at this point and I got a little bossy. But honestly, it ended up being one of my most satisfying sexual experiences. 

After that, we kind of silently agreed to just let things happen as they will. Every once and a while he and I have a hard time resisting each other. Mostly, we just let the sexual tension build until we have time to ravage each other’s bodies. It really is great. Normally I’m super wet by the time I see him. He does a good job with keeping me waiting. At times, I get angry with him because I want to have more sex with him more than he wants to have sex with me. But in my moments of clarity, I realize that he’s doing it to provide a buffer for both of us. Not doing it all the time is making it better when we get a chance to do it. It’s also helping me realize what I can do for myself, and what I should wait for him to do. (aka- I generally just rub my clit when I masturbate and leave all the penetration for his perfect, perfect penis).

He’s been a lot of firsts for me. Mostly, he’s the first guy I’ve been with since I was assaulted that I’ve felt comfortable enough doing so many things with. I really do enjoy rougher sex, and so it’s great that I can trust him to “hurt” me without actually hurting me. He likes to spank. He likes to pull hair. I like it when he puts his hand around my throat. Really, we just like to have a good time. For a while I was concerned about my behavior because I’m so against violence. But I’m realizing that if we both like it, there’s no harm done.

In a few months I’m going to have to leave. And while I care about him deeply and I get jealous when I see him with other girls, I don’t think he’s a person that I’m interested in spending the rest of my life with. For right now, I trust that we’re only sleeping with each other. And if that ever changes, I feel comfortable knowing that we will stop what we’re doing. Because I don’t want to have sex with him if he’s with someone else. And I wouldn’t ever put him in a similar situation. Eventually we will have to stop having sex. And eventually I’ll have to find someone to replace him. And while it’s hard to think about now, it really is just a part of life. For now though, I’m enjoying him, his very wonderful penis, and his eagerness to please. 

I really could go on and on about him and our sex life. But I’ll spare  you all the details and leave you with what will hopefully be the most important and pertinent blow job tip that I’ve been able to provide:

BJ Tip# 35: If you are two consenting adults, and you both enjoy what you’re doing: Never. Ever. Ever. Feel bad about what turns you on. 


Grad School

This post will hopefully catch us up on what’s been happening since I moved to North Dakota to start Grad School. I realize that it’s been a while since my last post- so bare with me…there are lots of blow jobs to be spoken about.

I have a list on my computer of all the men I’ve hooked up with. I just had to reference it to make sure I covered them all. Also, some names will be changed to protect the innocent (AND ALSO MY JOB!)

1. Doug West- He worked at Qdoba and had the nicest, curved penis I’ve ever seen. I got drunk and invited him over one night last year and we hooked up, and pretty much didn’t stop for a few months. Eventually, I started having issues with my ovaries and therefore stopped answering his texts. We started things up again this summer but then when a certain someone moved to ND, I cut things off for a 2nd time. 

Funny story- the few times I let Doug cum inside me, my vagina swelled up really badly. I think I’m allergic to his semen. So much so that I considered going to the emergency room, put on my clothes, and started walking outside, and slipped in the snow. The cold from it must’ve numbed my vagina enough that I felt okay going home and giving it some rest. Good times.

2. Andy Tsouris- Andy was a resident of mine my first year as a Hall Director. I didn’t sleep with him, however, until after he moved out of the building. During one of the first weeks of school he invited me to a fraternity party as his date, and although I couldn’t go, we stayed close after that. This summer we hung out quite a bit (I was friends with a lot of guys on the lacrosse team with him…yeah…lacrosse!) and eventually went over to his apartment one night after I was downtown with some of my friends and co-workers.

We watched porn in his bedroom and finally started fooling around. He’s a lot smaller than I am, so that was an interesting puzzle. I didn’t enjoy it a whole lot, as I was drunk and had a hard time getting wet. So I finally just started blowing him. I sometimes think that my residents only want to hook up with me to say they’ve slept with their hall director. But hey, who am I to ruin a young boy’s dreams? ;)

3. Isaac Agboola- was an RA in a different building last year and I barely knew him. This summer, though, he worked as a camp counselor in the building across the quad from mine and we spent a good amount of time together in the cafeteria and different events on campus. He is one of the most beautiful black men I’ve ever seen. Eventually, he started to get a little handsy. Probably because I was never shy about how attracted I was to him.

We exchanged numbers and started texting and I honestly thought it might turn into something even more than physical. We were together a lot and he’s such a smart guy. It takes a lot for me to be interested in someone enough to date them and I was definitely getting to that point. I don’t exactly know what happened to make us stop talking. Probably the arrival of the new hall directors and a certain person I was interested in. 

Anyways- I always made Isaac cookies, and one day I made some and invited him over. We FINALLY hooked up. And he has a HUGE penis. Fortunately, I’m good at deep throating. He started fingering me while I was blowing him and of course the boobs came out. The great thing about Isaac is his willpower. It doesn’t take much to make me interested in sleeping with someone, and so I was pretty ready to go as soon as his finger touched my clit. But he has strong morals and made the decision not to have sex for the both of us.

We hooked up once or twice after that, but I rarely see him anymore :( Not for any reason in particular, just because he’s busy being pre-med and I’m busy running a building. 

4. Devin McCall- is the director at a different university in our state now. I met him at a professional conference last year and we stayed in touch throughout the year. Eventually, we saw each other at a student conference in June and reconnected. There was a pretty instant connection and so when he said he was coming to my campus to visit, I agreed to hang out with him. We went to dinner with some of his friends and had a few drinks before we came back to my place. Unfortunately, he has a pretty small penis and not a whole lot of experience. He couldn’t finish, but was pretty excited just to be getting a blow job.

He came to our town again this past week to ride with our school to the same professional conference where we met. Before we left, he took me on a date and we got a chance to catch up. He’s a great guy and I really hope he’s enjoying his new position. I just know I’m not particularly interested in continuing anything. He’ll be a good friend to have in years to come.

5. We’ll just call him Number 5- I can’t use the name of this person for reasons that I can’t disclose. We’ll just say that I met him in a way that could potentially not be good for me to talk about, so yeah. Anyways, we exchanged numbers and started texting after we met at the end of last year. This summer, we were both in town and eventually he came over to hang out. We both knew what we wanted- so it didn’t take us long to get to business.

This person is someone who has a strange personality, so the fact that he had a huge penis was definitely what kept me wanting more. He was pretty good in bed, but never made much of an effort to go down on me. One night, I got a little drunk and invited him over. I opened the door in nothing but a tshirt and pulled him into my apartment. I laid down on my living room floor and directed him to eat me out. He did, and it was pretty good. I, of course, returned the favor. And we stopped hooking up after that. I don’t think men like it when girls are super vocal about what they want…Also, the school year was getting closer to starting, which meant we’d have to stop anyways.

BJ Tip# 34: Use props.


Utah

Back in the day (September), I was in love with my best friend. Unfortunately, the feelings weren’t returned. I flew to Utah to visit him at his new job and met his co-worker Rob Phipps. We hit it off pretty instantly, and spent a good amount of time together during my vacation.

One night, I met a few of my friend’s co-workers at his apartment for drinks and games. Rob and I ended up making out, and after he left, I drunkenly stumbled through my friend’s phone to find Rob’s phone number. I walked to his apartment and somehow managed to find my way across a campus I’d never seen before. 

When I got there, he went down on me, I returned the favor, and we had sex. Then I passed the fuck out. When I woke up the next morning, he offered to make me breakfast- but lets be honest…I had to poop. So I went back to my friends apartment and thought I’d never see Rob again.

Instead, a few of us went to a bar the next night. Rob was pretty persistent in trying to mingle, dance, etc…so I went along with it thinking it would be nice to have a fling on vacation. On the drive back to Rob’s apartment we stopped at my friend’s place to pick up some alcohol from his freezer. Rob volunteered to run inside with me and as soon as we walked inside I pushed him on the couch and climbed on top of him. We made out and ran back outside as quickly as possible. 

When we got back to Rob’s place, we started playing circle of death. Everyone there knew exactly what was going on, even though I thought we were being super subtle. So we gave up and went into his bedroom and I went down on him while everyone else was in the kitchen. We came back out, got made fun of, wished each other a good night, and a goodbye (I was leaving the next day) and I expected that to be the last I saw of him.

The next day while I was at the airport waiting to board my plane, Rob sent me a text message saying what a good time he had that weekend. I was young and naive (still am) and thought he was a nice guy, so I agreed that we should keep talking and see what happened. Over the next few weeks, he and I skyped or talked on the phone almost every night. And eventually we made plans to go to Colorado at the end of October.

Rob and I met at the airport on Halloween weekend and rented a car to go to our cabin in downtown Breckenridge. What a beautiful fucking place. As soon as we got there, we started having sex, but i was on my period…so that definitely made things more complicated. We thought we were being safe by putting a towel down, but apparently that doesn’t mean anything.

We actually had a pretty nice weekend together (sex, lounging around, painting ceramics, and drinking). One night I invited him into the shower with me where there was a bench. He sat down and I backed up onto him and started riding. At one point he was thrusting so hard that I slipped and fell head-first onto the floor of the shower. Oops…

We also had sex that weekend in the outdoor hot tub, on the couch, and in the jacuzzi tub. I had plans to give him road head on our drive back to the airport, but unfortunately I got really sick.

Over the next week or so, Rob admitted that he was afraid to start a relationship with me (because he isn’t good at commitment or some shit) and I finally gave up. I saw him again for the first time at a hiring conference in March (OPE) right after I had surgery. He got kind of upset that I wouldn’t sleep with him…but I couldn’t help it that I had stitches in my vagina.

Then I saw him again at NACURH in June. We ended up messing around twice while we were there, but he forgot to mention he was seeing someone until after my friend told me about it when I got home. 

Do you ever look at someone and wonder what the fuck you saw in them? 

Yep.


(via mjramsey)


Hail Mary

I met Adam Courtwright during my first few lonely months in North Dakota. He worked at the Air Force Base in town and he seemed like a genuinely nice Midwestern man. 

I invited him over to my apartment the first night we met (Hey! It had been like 6 months since I’d had sex…) and he eagerly accepted. He came over and we talked for a while in my living room. I knew almost instantly that this wasn’t going to be more than a hookup because he kept steering the conversation back towards religion. We talked about our jobs, politics, and our hobbies (I didn’t mention my affinity for BJs) but everything related back to God and what I eventually realized was Catholicism. 

After an hour or two of talking, I was horny and I wanted him to STFU. So I offered to let him stay the night and we went back to my bedroom. It was a little awkward at first, especially when I started asking him my general “safe sex” questions. It always amazes me that people are surprised when I ask them if they’ve been tested. Do you honestly think I’m going to sleep with you without reassurance from you that your clean? And in addition to that, without protection?

To clear his head, I did what any self-respecting woman would do- I put my mouth on his balls. That shut him up really quickly and after a few short minutes, he finished.

Almost immediately, Adam jumped up off the bed and started apologizing. I asked him what he was so concerned about and he said he felt bad for sinning. I thought he was joking and started to laugh…that is- until he kneeled at the edge of my bed and started praying. He continued for a few seconds before he looked up at me and said, “Shit, my rosary is in my car.” He continued to count Hail Mary’s and eventually finished (in a different way, this time). 

For reference, one Hail Mary is as follows:

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee; blessed art thou amongst women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death. Amen.

Terrifying, I know.

For one of the first times, I asked him to leave instead of actually stay the night. I told him I had to work the next day (a Sunday) and he insisted that he needed to go to church anyways.

Amen.

BJ Tip #33: The couple that prays together, doesn’t always stay together.


Lucas, the Pool Boy

Senior Year, my friends and I went out all the time. Like every weekend. 

We chugged four lokos in dorm rooms and went downtown to dance clubs. Then we drank more.

It was during the last semester of my undergraduate career that my life was kind of out of control. (But really, when hasn’t it been?)

One night Taylor, Mike and some of our friends went to Char and had a fantastic time. On our walk home, we ran into a poor helpless (very tall, dark, and handsome) drunk boy (he was probs 21?). I struck up a conversation, because it’s my nature to make sure people either get home safely or get home with me ;)

Anyways- he said his name was Lucas and that he was visiting from South Carolina where he worked as a pool boy, but couldn’t find his friends. They wouldn’t answer his phone calls and he had no idea where they were staying. He also mentioned he was in a fraternity- Pike.

I’m a good person, so I convinced my friends we couldn’t leave Lucas (he was shitfaced) out on the streets. He walked back to East Hall with us and we all decided to sleep in Taylor’s room. While everyone was out in the lobby getting water and talking, Lucas and I climbed into Tay’s bed and started making out. When they came back, I pushed him off because well…I was worried Tay would get mad. I know I would’ve…

I was super drunk and decided that I needed to change and take a shower. Lucas came upstairs to the girls bathroom with me and we went into a stall together. It was one of the ones with a bathtub, so he sat on the edge and I started going down on him. He wanted to return the favor and soon I ran to my room to grab a condom. We fucked right there with the water running. Mid-thrust, we heard the door open & someone come in. We froze and held back laughter while they peed and left.

He had an awesome body, covered in tattoos (which really surprised me for a frat guy) and a nice, curved penis. After we finished, we both actually took showers, I changed and we went back downstairs to Taylor’s room. Everyone was already sleeping so we fell asleep too.

The next morning I told everyone we just took showers because I didn’t want them to judge me. Lucas woke up and called his friends to come pick him up. He thanked us for our hospitality and left. 

We always joke about Lucas the pool boy and how crazy it was that we brought him in off the streets. I always laugh because they don’t know my secret. Until now :)

BJ Tip #32: Drunk head almost always leads to drunk sex. Be safe.


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(via mjramsey)


Character

I met Ben Bullard in high school but he was a few years older than me. I thought he was cute because I was totally into nerds and he liked to read. 

Fast forward to my Senior year of college when I went home with my best friend Holly for Christmas Break. We ran into Ben and Holly’s then boyfriend, Jared, at the bar. Ben had just gotten home after graduating from the Citadel (I know…) so obviously I made it my mission to put his D in my P.

After we left the bar we went to a creepy guys house to drink some more. We left there and took separate cars home (for some odd and completely unrelated reason Ben had to drive me home alone & Holly had to ride with Jared…)

On the drive home, Ben pulled over and I knew what was about to go down. (If you couldn’t get..the answer was me!) He drove an SUV, so he just started off-roading into the middle of the woods on the side of our back country road. When he finally stopped we climbed into the back seat and I started to go down on him. From what I could see in the pale moonlight, Ben had a pretty average looking penis, except for one thing. It was kind of purple.

I never asked & never really questioned it’s color- Because over the years I’ve seen a variety of penises and I don’t think it’s nice or polite to ask someone why their genitals are misshapen or strangely colored. 

He whipped on a condom and we had some pretty boring sex in the backseat of his car. 

On a side note- I want to give the men who are reading this a tip:

When you’e having sex with a girl…please please please play with her clit! I can guarantee that most girls (not all, but most) can’t get off just from penetration.

Anyways- he got close, and I got bored, so I took the condom off and finished him in my mouth.

The funny part of the story comes next…

On our way out of the woods, he hit a fucking tree. Yes…A FUCKING TREE. With his car.

And instead of stopping to look at the damage, he kept driving. When I asked him if he was gonna stop or if he thought it caused any damage or dents he looked at me, in all seriousness, and said “Nope….it gives it character.”

Boys….

BJ Tip #31: All penises were not created equal, but they should all be equally loved.


What’s up with guys wanting every girl to be their own personal porn star?

I have some news for you:

  • I’m not a gymnast. 
  • Yes, I love my body too.
  • I don’t want to get on top and ride you in extra reverse triple cowgirl freestyle every time we have sex.
  • Yes, you have to wear a condom. 
  • No, you cannot cum on my face.
  • No, we can’t do anal (and even more so- you can’t just stick the tip in!!)
  • There will be no: titty slapping, dick slapping, candle wax, choking or violence of any kind.

…I consider myself a very open-minded and sexual person. But holy shit….

Have sex with me, because you want to have sex with me- not because you need a real-life vagina to use while you fantasize.

I am a beautiful woman, with huge boobs, an enthusiasm for blow jobs, and a tight vagina. What more could you possibly want?